Same as it Never Was
by DocDoolittle93
Summary: Cas wakes up months after Anna has gone to Heaven, only to find her alive and breathing back in Thunder Bay. How did he get her back? And what can he do to keep her with him?
1. Chapter 1

I wake up to a weight on my chest. A hand is pressed against my skin, lingering over my heart. I feel silky hair in the crook of my neck, the head that it is woven into wavering whenever the owner stirs. _Where am I? How did I get here?_ _Open your eyes, Cas. Open them. _My eyelids roll back until I'm staring above me. The tin ceiling is constructed of a repeating pattern, and strangely, it puts me at ease. I have seen that pattern before. But where?

"Cas? Are you alright?" I feel the person beside me stir. I feel that her body is small as it shifts, and that her skin is smooth against mine. _I know that voice_. Eyes wide, I turn to the girl who lies beside me. Her skin has lost its pale tone, now replaced with blushing cheeks and more than a hint of life.

My breaths come out short and jagged. My chest hurts, and I mean really, physically, hurts. I can't feel my fingertips; I assume they've gone cold. _Anna. Anna Korlov. My Anna._ Her lips are swollen and full; I can practically feel the heat coming from between them. But…how? Anna had been gone for months. I'd let her go months ago. She was in her own Heaven, I had seen to that. So what on earth was she doing here?

"Cas? Cas, you're scaring me. Are you alright, Cas?" She crawls closer to me, and I see her nightgown is white. But unlike every story I'd ever heard about my ghost girl, it isn't covered in blood. I slam my eyes shut. _This isn't possible. Anna's gone, Cas. You know this. You let her go to Heaven. It's not real, you idiot. You have to wake up. Wake up, dammit._ I feel fingers brush across my lips and start to rub my temple. She had done that before, to comfort me. But unlike all that time ago, I actually feel warmth. I feel skin. I don't feel wind rushing across my features. I feel my girl as if she were alive and breathing.

I feel her lips just after her fingers leave. They start on my jaw and work their way until they are resting on mine. She feels like she's on fire. Or maybe it's just the fact that I've never known Anna to be so warm. I peel my eyes back and that is when I realize I'm awake. Anna is actually here. She's alive and here with me. _But how is it possible?_

"Anna. Where are we?" I ask shakily. My voice rarely ever breaks, but whenever it came to Anna – who was my one true weakness – I always worried. I've lost her more times than I ever wanted to. And if she is truly here now, I'm never going to let her go. She chuckles. I have forgotten what her laugh sounds like. And I have forgotten how much I fell in love with it.

"What do you mean? We're at home. Where else would we be?" She slinks slowly forward until she's cupping one side of my face into her palm. She rubs her thumb across my cheek, just under my eye. Through the moonlight and shadows that the window has cast inside, I see her grin and it nearly makes my heart melt. _If this is a dream, I'm okay with staying asleep for a little longer._ I wrap her up into my arms and that is where she falls asleep, with me following shortly after.

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Snoring. I hear faint snoring. My eyes open themselves again and I have to turn my head sideways to truly make sure she is there. Her black hair is stretched out to the farthest lengths they will go. It waves out in dark coils around her face as she is curled up on my side. I feel a tear start to creep out from my eye, but I make sure to pull it back before it jumps to its death. _Anna is here. Anna is alive_. I need to keep reminding myself of that.

I leave her in the bed, covering her up with a quilt that sits sprawled at the foot. I swear I almost see her smile as she feels the warmth. I leave the room, a board in the floor creaking when I put my foot down. Walking into the hallway, I realize where we are. _Anna's old house_. But this doesn't make any sense. Anna's house was destroyed when she dragged the Obeahman to Hell. When she sacrificed herself to save my sorry ass.

I recognize everything. The couch that I dove behind when Anna was still my dark goddess. The spot on the floor where her mother slit her throat. I cringe. What I would give to have five minutes alone with that woman. I turn around a corner and see the basement door, leading down into the abyss where Anna kept her victims.

I walk out onto the porch, leaning against the side of the house. It's sometime in spring, I'm guessing. The trees are just beginning to grow new leaves, and the snow on the ground is barely visible. I hear the door creak open and I see my ghost girl walk out to meet me. Her arms wrap themselves around my waist, as though she's done it a million times, and my hands find the small of her back.

As we hold each other, I notice that the street doesn't look as dead as it always has. The house has some color to it. Not that the paint is the reason it's so cheery, but it's teeming with life. Birds are singing, I can hear the faint sound of crickets. Some violets are pushing their way through the ground and the house is standing sturdier. It no longer reads "Get the Hell out."

And this is when I tell myself that I wouldn't mind staying here. Anna is here with me, and that's all I would ever need. But what makes me feel even more alive is the fact that I see a rosy hue in her cheeks. The fact that I can feel her chest move when she breathes. The fact that when I was holding her all last night, she felt warm. _No. This isn't such a bad place to stay after all._

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**Reviews are welcome! More to come soon :)**


	2. Chapter 2

I feel so strange actually living in the same house as Anna. As we talked on the porch, she told me that we'd lived in her house together for months, but I have no memory of that at all. I have no idea what is happening to me. I don't let her know that, though. I'm sitting in our bedroom, listening to the faint sound of running water. Anna has been in the shower for about ten minutes, while I have sat in a daze just staring out the window. I look like an idiot, I'm sure.

After fifteen minutes, I hear the water go off, and I hear Anna humming some song from the 50s. I haven't talked to her about my memory loss, because in all honesty, I'm not aware that I even have any. Could this still be a dream? I bury my head into my hands, rubbing my palms into my eyes. The last thing I want is for this to be fake.

"Cas?" I hear Anna and I turn my head toward the door. She stands in the threshold, a red towel wrapped around her tiny frame. I shudder. With that color on, I start to have flashbacks of when she ripped people limb from limb. But I also have to keep the heat from rising to my cheeks when I remind myself that Anna isn't wearing anything underneath it. I shift my face away so that she can get dressed. "Since when have you been shy around me?"

I turn around slightly, jerking my head back when I see her pulling a t-shirt over her head. I just catch a peek of bare skin on her lower back. She's wearing a pair of skinny jeans, and I raise an eyebrow. I had never seen Anna wear anything other than that damn bloody dress. It doesn't sit right with me that she looks like a normal girl when I have always seen her as, well, _dead._

I'm staring out the window into her backyard – at the looming trees and expansive woods – when I feel her arms wrap around me from behind. She hangs onto my back, sneaking kisses up my neck and eventually biting on my earlobes. I had never gotten this kind of opportunity with Anna, but even now as she covers me with her lips, I don't imagine this is how she would be romantically. It still seems surreal. Not that it doesn't make my heart hammer in my chest – trust me, it does – but something still feels wrong. How could I forget something as significant as a potential life with Anna?

"Thomas and Carmel are going to meet us at your old house. Are you going to get ready, Cassio?" God, I can't stand it when she uses my full name like that. It makes me want to just lie next to her all day long and kiss her until she can't breathe. Okay, bad example. I'm somewhat convinced this isn't a dream. Thomas and Carmel are still here. By my old house, I assume that Anna means where my mother is. I can't remember the last time I've seen any of them. I figure it must be quite a while.

I turn to her and take in her beauty. No makeup covers her features. She's just naturally gorgeous. Silky black hair that slightly curls at the ends. Chocolate brown eyes that could completely drown me in their depths. My wicked fairy. I reach up and touch her cheek, her warmth spreading through me like something catching fire. She smiles and leans in to kiss me on the cheek. I would be intent on getting dressed and ready if my dark goddess wasn't giving me that extra kiss, the one I never thought I would get again. I return it eagerly. She pulls away, giggling.

I drive to the house, Anna clutching my hand, or rubbing my leg as I drive. It gets hard to concentrate when she does things like that. I pull up to Mom's house. Carmel's car is in the driveway; I just assume that she picked up Thomas. I walk up the front steps, Anna's fingers intertwined with mine. I bring her hand up to my lips, where I kiss each fingertip. We smile at each other. The door swings open, with my mother standing in the threshold.

She looks much happier than I've ever seen her. The bags under her eyes have disappeared. The worry lines on her face have gone away some. It makes me happy to see her like this; happy enough that I don't question it. We don't get to talk before Mom pulls me in for a hug. It makes me feel damn manly to be smothered by my mother in front of my not-so-dead-anymore girlfriend. Anna just smiles from the distance between us.

We walk in the house. Mom leads us to the living room, where Thomas and Carmel are swapping spit on the couch. I cringe. Okay, I don't need to see my best friends making out, though I know how long Thomas has been trying to be with Carmel. I don't get a 'hello' out to them before a tall man steps through the door and slinks over until he's holding onto Mom's waist. She smiles and looks up at him. They kiss, but I'm too shocked to be terrified of my mother kissing someone. She's never had a boyfriend. She's been too dedicated to both my ghost-hunting and to her witch business to have time for that. And she was never the same after my father's death. But all of that disappears when I get a good look at the man. My heart sinks, because I know that who I see shouldn't be here at all.

"Dad?"


	3. Chapter 3

I lock myself in the spare room that Mom has in her house. Strangely, I remember it being my room, but since I've apparently lived with Anna for months, it's just used for guests now. Anna sits on the other side of the door, trying to convince me to come out from my hiding place. She doesn't understand why I'm so worried. How can she not understand? My father – my hero and best friend – is _breathing_ downstairs in my mother's living room. The man, who was eaten by the Obeahman, is sitting on the couch in the living room sipping on coffee and munching fricking cookies. And I'm supposed to keep a cool head?

"Cassio? Please come out from there." I hear Anna through the door, her Finnish accent becoming more prominent when she worries. I've never really seen her worry about anything but the people she loves. About me. It practically tears me in half knowing that I make my wicked fairy turn into a damsel in distress.

"I can't, Anna." I say, my voice almost cracking as I speak to her through the wooden door. The floor is cool under me, and the door doesn't provide much warmth against my back. What is happening to me? I can't remember Anna being resurrected, nor do I remember the same applying to my long dead father. I don't remember the life I've had with Anna. The secret kisses at midnight, or when I've reached across the bed to make sure she's there. I don't know if we've done anything more than that. Have I touched her bare skin? Had more of her than I can recall? Have we spent days at the beach? Or exploring old houses? Have we just laid in her living room, staring at the water stains that make constellations on her ceiling?

And what about my father? How long has he been back? Why I can't I remember? I dig my palms roughly into my eyes, trying to stop tears from spilling over. I only remember crying twice in my life. When I found out that my dad was killed. And the day that I saw the love of my life sink into Hell, bent on saving me. A choked sob escapes my throat, and I know that Anna heard it. I can feel the floorboards shift just slightly, and the door creaks.

"Cassio? Please let me come inside. I can't stand to hear you like this and know that I can't hold you." She says in a whisper. I slam my eyes shut. _Come on, Cas. You're the big bad ghost hunter. You would think you could handle something like this._ But I'm wrong. I can slice open ghost's throats and deal with the physical pain they inflict, but my walls collapse whenever I'm around someone I love. Namely, the girl I went to Hell and back for. And the father that I never truly got to know. The man who is practically a stranger.

My hand reaches to the doorknob, shifting it sideways until it gives and the door slips open. Anna rushes into the room, sinking to her knees in front of me. She can see the brokenness in my eyes and her arms wrap instinctively around my shoulders. She lets me bury my face into the crook of her neck. She straddles my legs, not letting me move much. She smells like strawberries. My tears hit her flesh and she wipes them away with a flick of her thumb.

She gives me a look that tells me I'm stronger than this. That she expects more of me. That I can come in all big and bad and still prevail. She just doesn't know that she's the one who gives me that strength. She's the reason I've been so strong since ever coming to Thunder Bay. "Will you come downstairs?"

How can I say no to her? The dead girl who went from being cold and beautiful to being warm and gorgeous. I would have taken her either way. I think that I would have said yes to her if she had asked me when she was dead. When she was intent on snapping my limbs as though they were twigs. Ripping me apart with a tearing sound like Velcro. Now that she's alive, I want to do anything she asks of me. So instead of ignoring the beauty that sits on me, I just nod. I know that she'll be the one to keep me afloat when I'll have the urge to sink.

I walk down the rickety old stairs while my clammy hand clutched onto Anna's. Each step groans under our weight. I'd rather be sucked down into the bowels of Mom's house than to face my father, who magically appeared from the depths of Hell, where he was just one victim to the Obeahman. I've probably squeezed the life out of Anna's fingers, but when she looks at me, she just gives me a look that tells me everything is alright. And that everything I've ever wanted is right here with me.

My best friends are happy – and together – my mother is smiling in a way that I don't think I've ever seen before. My dad – the whole reason I ever got into hunting ghosts – is alive. And the love of my life – the dark goddess I would risk anything for – well, I have her. And all of that is all I could ever ask for.


	4. Chapter 4

"But…I just don't understand. When did all of this happen?" It's a fricking intervention. I'm sitting on the couch in the living room, Anna sitting on one side of me, the other filled by empty space. Her grip on my hand tightens, and I can practically feel her worry infect me, like it is running from her fingers into my veins.

"Cas, you really don't remember anything?" Carmel asks.

"No, he doesn't." Thomas answers for me. Damn telepath. He chuckles. No doubt he can still hear everything I'm thinking.

"What do you remember, Cas?" My Dad asks. I cringe when I hear his voice. I have forgotten what he sounds like. But he's here. I hugged him after coming downstairs with Anna. I know that he's really here. But I have no idea how it has happened.

"I…I remember going after those ghosts in Massachusetts. Near Boston. That couple that was murdered by their daughter. The Bordens." My mother looks at me with wide eyes. Anna looks to Thomas and Carmel, who exchange glances with each other. Dad is the only one to not break eye contact with me. Anna cups my face with one of her hands, turning my jaw until my whole head is facing in her direction.

"Cassio." She just says my name. Silence follows her for a few minutes.

"Cas. That was five months ago. You don't remember anything after that?" Carmel asks. Anna is still quiet, as are my parents, but Thomas just looks at me and tells me he understands; I really _don't_ remember. Five months? No. It really couldn't be, could it? I shake my head.

"I just remember being thrown into a wall by the man. I don't remember anything after that."

"You were hurt, Cassio. You didn't get the opportunity to kill both of them. You killed the woman and then her husband threw you. You hit your head. That's when you were hurt. They were with you in the hospital the whole time." Anna gestures to Mom, Thomas and Carmel. "You were released after being there a while. Your dad and I were brought back just after. That's when you came to live with me." Anna says as she looks to me, and I can tell she's hurting, bad. I've forgotten our whole relationship. Five months I've been living with Anna. Two teenagers living alone together in a house. Surely what we have must be deeper than what I can recall. My fingers run along her lips. My apologies can never reflect enough in my eyes. I can never tell her I'm sorry for everything I've done. She's in pain because of me. And this has happened before. I hate that I'm the reason for the pain.

Thomas and Carmel leave the room, with my parents following shortly after. Soon, it's just Anna and I sitting on the couch. The room is so silent you can hear a pin drop. I look to her and I see there're tears in her eyes. I run my thumb along her cheek, making the salty droplets coat her cheeks. I rise and take her by the hands. Grabbing my jacket and heading out the door with her, I hop into my car. I want to remember. I _need_ to remember. Because if I don't, I'll never forgive myself for what I've let happen. Anna is in the passenger seat and I drive fast until we reach her house.

"Cas, what are you doing?" She still sounds worried. Worried and hurt. I drag her into the house, but her feet drag on the ground. I scoop her up so that I'm carrying her like she's a little girl. I move into the house until we're in the living room, lying on the couch with Anna on top of me.

"Tell me." I say. I try to be strong, but I can tell tears are about to spew. How could I have forgotten everything? What is wrong with me? Anna's fingers move up to my temple, making little rings of comfort for me. I'm breaking her heart. And in turn, she's breaking mine. A thousand questions run through my head.

How long after I started living with her did we sleep in the same room? What is her favorite food? Do we have a routine? Do we watch Ghost Busters and laugh at the marshmallow man? Do we have pet names for each other? How often do her lips meet mine? Have we done more than just sleep in that bed? Have Anna and I become each other's in every way? Do I show her off when we go to the mall, intent on making the other guys jealous when they see my fox of a girlfriend?

A tear hits my face. But it didn't come from my face. Anna is crying above me. Her face is contorted into something very painful. I hate seeing her in pain. I would gladly take any of the pain that she feels. She sniffles. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything." I whisper. And she does. Tell me everything.


	5. Updates

**Everyone! Thank you soooo much for the reviews. This is my first fanfic, and since I usually just write my own novels, I really didn't know if I could fit up to par with the authors who actually write these stories. And I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. Finals are this upcoming month, and school comes first. I'll try to upload chapter 5 when I can. Thank you for reading! :)**


	6. Chapter 5

"After you let me go, I knew that something was wrong. There was another Cas, but I knew he wasn't mine. He acted like you, and he looked like you, but I could tell he wasn't you. I thought that maybe you – well, the other you – weren't talking about ghosts for my sake, but even when I pressured for him to talk about it, he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. Like he never believed in them. And that's when I knew that something was wrong.

"I could feel that something wasn't right. And that's when I remembered everything that had happened. You hurting yourself to come after me. And then I was so angry that you let me go. Because it was the last thing I wanted. I would rather be dead and with you than to be in Heaven and with a doppelganger. So I tried contacting you. Like I did when I was in Hell. Through visions and calling our name. But it never worked. Until you were hurt."

"What changed?"

"You were in a coma, Cassio. You were on the verge of death. You started to see me, and I, you. You healed after time, but by then I was just as invisible as I was before. The thing is, you didn't forget that you saw me. And that's when you consulted Morfran. You brought me back, and when you found your Dad, you said you wouldn't leave without him. I never knew your Mom that well, but I know that I've never seen her as happy as she's been."

"Keep talking."

"About what?"

"Us." Anna sighs.

"Ask the questions, and I'll answer them as best I can."

"How is your house standing, even after everything that happened with the Obeahman?"

"Morfran says that my ties to the house made it reappear as soon as I did. Because I was in a different realm when I was being tortured, the house stayed with me. That's why it was with me when you let me go to Heaven. So as soon as I came back, the house did as well."

"What happened when my dad came back?"

"Your mom was ecstatic. I'd never seen her as happy. You told me the same thing. You were always telling me how she would have this look in her eyes. Like she was far away, seeing a different place. Like she was dreaming she could be there. You look like you're far away right now, Cas." I shake my head and pull her down to me. My fingers roll down her coils of hair and the curls bounce off the tips of my fingers.

"I'll never leave you again. I'm through with leaving you behind. It nearly killed me when I saw you go into the floorboards, and it almost ripped me in half when I watched you walk into your own Heaven. I'm not letting you get away from me again. I'm getting tired of losing you." I try to chuckle at the end, giving Anna a sense of content. She grins, but I can see that it's masking a surreal amount of pain. I never imagined she'd capture me the way she has. I came to Thunder Bay with the intent of killing this girl, and she made me fall in love with her instead. I found my soul mate in a girl that had been dead long before I was ever born. Before my parents were ever born. I'm never letting her go.

I kiss her forehead and I hear her sigh. I swear I can feel her smile against my neck. And I can't help but smile to that simple reaction. My hands shake and tears threaten to spill as she lays on me. How many times have we lied with each other, so much like this? Was the fireplace going? Did I cover us up with a blanket? Did we sleep here until the early hours of the morning and then I would carry her up to our bedroom?

I hate knowing that I don't remember a damn thing. Knowing that the last thing I remember was a damn job I had been on in Boston. Could it really have been five months ago? Anna mentioned that I was in a coma. Could I have memory loss from that? Could my illness – my injury – be the contributing factor to my amnesia? I just want to hit my head and jog the memories back into place.

I hear faint snoring, and even breathing coming from Anna. She's asleep at the moment. I guess the stress from finding out about what I remember – or rather, what I don't – has made her this tired. I moved silently so that she's still parallel to the couch, and I scoop her up into my arms. It's strange. My ghost girl feels light as air. I walk her up to the bedroom, bridal style, and place her on the bed. I don't bother to change our clothes. I just crawl in next to her in my jeans and tee. I scoop her from behind, my whole arm wrapping protectively around her waist. I think only one thing as I let sleep take over.

_She's so beautiful._


	7. Chapter 6

**Hi guys! So, I've had a few hours to belt out a couple chapters. I'll try to update more if I have time this weekend.**

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_"You have to help us. Lizzie's gone mad." The woman whispers, as though if she speaks any louder, some monster will find us. I unsheathe the athame. I've always felt so confident holding it, but now I tremble as I wait for her to scream. That's her M.O. She'll trick you into thinking you need to save her, then she'll scream for her husband and they'll corner you to kill you. I really have no idea if their daughter did chop them up, but I really don't care. They're evil now, and that's all that matters. They aren't the same person they were in life._

_She sees my knife and her face morphs into a hideous scowl. The sound that erupts from deep within her is nothing like I've heard before. I hear a thudding, almost like someone is running, but putting their weight into each and every step. I turn quick enough to see a man, tall and well-built, but elderly, come running straight toward me. I turn to his wife and manage to slice her throat open, the oily goo that remains of her blood pouring down so that it stains the dress she wears. She evaporates, and nothing is left. I hear the pained howling of her husband as I wait for the pressure that will come. I feel his hands shove me into the wall, and I feel my head hit the lamp that sits on the table. My eyes drift close and I can just see the blood begin to seep down from my wound._

I sit up in bed, panting and trying to catch my breath. Anna isn't beside me, which sets me off a little. The thing I need right now is the comfort only she can give me. That's the dream that's been haunting me. The last thing I remember. Everything after that is locked deep inside my memory. I'm trembling when Anna comes into the room, in her arms a tray full of food. I chuckle. I've broken her heart more times than I can count and she brings me breakfast in bed. No one can compare to this goddess I've managed to ensnare. In actuality, she's the one who's ensnared me.

She puts the tray near my feet, crawling so that she sits on the edge of the bed. I bring her lips to mine. The salt from my tears brushes of onto her lips. I can feel her grinning. It's an amazing feeling. It's surprising how much I've memorized the contours of her face, the cracks in her lips. The slight chip on her back tooth and every pore inside her mouth. I don't deserve her.

"What do you want to do today?" When she asks the question, I'm not quite sure what to tell her. I never want to leave her. But after what happened yesterday, I know there's something that needs to be done, but Anna can't be there when it happens. I want it to be a surprise. I look at her and smile.

"Would you mind hanging out by yourself today? There's an errand I need to run."

"The last time you ran an errand, you were thrown into a wall by a dead man. Please tell me you're not going hunting." She has worry laced on her voice. I shake my head and smile, praying that it puts her at ease. What I have planned for today has nothing to do with ghosts. Well, other than the fact that it has to do with my very own ghost girl. But since she's no longer dead, I don't suppose I can put her into that category anymore.

"I promise that I'll be back for dinner tonight. I won't leave you worrying." Her arms are draped around my shoulders, and she smiles and she nuzzles her nose to mine. We sit there, our foreheads resting against the others in the silence. After I get dressed and Anna has planted herself on the couch downstairs – with a Casper movie running – I kiss her goodbye and head out the door. She waves from the front door, her fingers moving in an uneven fashion. I blow her a kiss from my car and her smile can light up the darkest of places.

I've never really been to the store I'm driving to. I've driven past the times Carmel and Thomas have dragged me to the mall, but I've never gone in. What the hell would a 19-year-old kid need in there anyway? My breath and hands are both shaking when I kill the engine. I have money on my credit card, I know that. Enough in my bank account to cover what I'm about to purchase. I let out a breath, not realizing that I'd been holding it in. As I'm walking to the door, I run my hands down the sides of my jeans, intent on not having sweaty hands while we're doing this. Mom and Dad probably would tell me to think about this before I do anything, but I've already thought about it enough. I'm not losing Anna again.

The store is lit with warm chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. There are both men and women, dressed in formal wear, who help a variety of people. An older woman with a little girl look at something on the counter while a couple, probably a few years older than Anna and I, are just looking around the store. I'm still shaking when a woman in a dress suit comes up to me.

"Welcome. Is there anything I can help you find today?" Her voice puts me at ease some, and I find that I've at least stopped shaking.

"Yes. I'm looking for…for a…" I can't get the words out. She sees my nervousness and leads me over to one counter. I follow in a daze.

"So, what size is she?" The woman asks, and I stand there like an idiot.

"Um…I'm not sure." Why did I come here to do this when I was so unprepared? Simple. I don't want to wait another minute. The woman chuckles.

"Describe her, and I can do my best to help."

"Uh, dainty fingers, thin, young. I don't know what else to tell you." I say apologetically.

"That's fine. That should be enough." She smiles and as her attention is focused on the displays, she continues to talk to me. "So did you want to go traditional, or a little out of the ordinary?"

"Out of ordinary." Anna and I had never been in a normal relationship, so why get her something plain?

"Alright. What's her favorite color?" I rack my brain. Do I know the answer to that question? The only color I'd ever seen her in was that disgusting shade of red. Anna's dress was white. Since I don't really know her favorite color, I lie.

"She doesn't have one. Do you have anything that's white?"

"White…I think we might, actually. Let me get them for you." As she left to go something from another display case, I could feel several sets of eyes on me. One question was probably running through every one of their heads. What is a kid doing in here? I shrug their glances off and wait for the woman to come back. I can still tell I'm not breathing normally.

"Here it is." She shows me, coming around the counter from somewhere in the back of the stock room. It's perfect. Better than I could ever have done by myself. I'm convinced Anna will love it. Once the bag is handed to me, I give the woman my credit card and she slides it through the register, making this permanent. There's no going back now, even if I wanted to - which I don't - I can't. I leave the store with a smile strewn on my face.

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**So, would anyone like to guess which store Cas went to?**


	8. Chapter 7

Before I go back to the house, I stop by Morfran's shop. I need to know some things about Anna and my Dad, and since I haven't seen Morfran since my memory loss, I have no idea if he ever relayed that information to me. I walk into the shop; little old ladies are looking at something in a display case that Morfran is showing them. He hears the bell over the door jingle and glances my way. Morfran has never been fond of me. I think it's because he knows I rush into situations that I'm not ready for. He excuses himself from the women, letting them continue to look at items in the shop.

"What do you need kid? You here to see Thomas?" Morfran's voice is gruff, and unfriendly. Again, I don't think he's ever been too fond of me.

"Actually, I'm here to see you." I can practically hear the inward groan. I'm sure the last thing he wants is to talk to me. I've always put him and Thomas in difficult situations. "I need to know about Anna."

"Ah, yes. Your little dead girlfriend." He says as he strolls over to the couch that sits on one wall. I continue to stand.

"And my Dad. I don't know if Thomas mentioned it, but I can't remember anything from the last five months." Morfran lets out a heavy sigh.

"Yeah. He'd said something along those lines. What do you wanna know, kid?" Morfran seems to let off a little pity. The last thing I want is pity, especially from the badass I know Morfran is.

"Why aren't they dead anymore? How are they breathing? How is Anna _warm_ when I touch her?" Morfran kicks up his feet so that they're resting on the coffee table.

"We did a ritual, kid, just after you got out of the hospital. We needed blood, something that was tied to Anna and your dad, and a reason for them to leave Heaven to come back to this shithole. We took blood every so often so there would be enough to take on both bodies. You had your father's athame. And you used that newspaper clipping of Anna to conjure her back here."

"They willingly left Heaven for me?" I ask, stunned that they would do that. I was even more stunned that my dumbass self would take them away from that kind of peace.

"Anna did. Your dad…well, he needed to see that crazy witch of his."

"Dad came back because of Mom?"

"Yep. The blood was needed to create new bodies for both Anna and him. The blood is what made their ghosts solid. Alive. The blood's what gave them skin and working organs. The color in their cheeks. Your blood's what brought the both of them back alive."

"_My_ blood?"

"Uh-huh. Think of it as a sort of blood transfusion. We drew it every so often to make sure there was enough to take on for two bodies. You were antsy, as usual. You didn't want to wait as long as it took to draw the blood. But we forced you to."

"But…Anna told me that I only brought my dad back after I had already taken her."

"Well, that's true. Anna came back and you were impatient. Saying you wanted to go and get your father then and there. Made you wait, though. Didn't want you to die of blood loss. Would have made a hell of a mess in my shop."

"So, they didn't come back at the same time." I say, more as a fact than as a question.

"Nope. You need anything else, kid? I got customers waiting for me." He motions toward the two ladies who are waiting at the register. I shake my head and he dismisses himself very quickly.

* * *

On the drive home, I can feel the gift I bought for Anna practically scorching through my pocket. It feels like it weighs a ton, though I know it doesn't even weigh a pound. What will she say when she sees it? Will she think I'm nuts? Off my rocker? What expressions did they even use back in the 50s? I kill the engine of the car and when I step out the door, I'm tackled by Anna as she runs to greet me. I just manage to control my balance as I catch her.

"Sorry." She says a little sheepishly. "I was worried when I didn't hear from you today, so when I saw the headlights, I got a little excited."

Damn. Why hadn't I called to check up on her? Why didn't I call to just check in, at least? I knew this morning how worried she would be, and I didn't have the decency to call her. I'm the worst boyfriend ever. I carry her up the porch and set her down next to the door.

"Do you remember what's so special about this spot?" I ask her. She arches an eyebrow, one of the many quirks that make me fall in love with her all over again.

"Well, we have breakfast out here quite a bit…" I shake my head. She guesses again. "You come out here to think a lot. And then I'll come out and see you." She snuggles close as I shake my head. Strike two. She sighs impatiently. "Oh, I don't know. Just tell me."

"This is where we first kissed." She grins at the memory, and I see something like shock mixed with sadness in her eyes.

"I didn't think you would remember that." She grins, and I follow along.

"Of course, I remember. How could I ever forget kissing my girl of nightmares for the first time?" She giggles and I lean down to kiss her. We stay that way for a few minutes until we're completely out of air and need a refill. I can feel it weighing down in my pocket and I know that now's the time. _No going back, Cas_. "Anna, I have something I need to talk to you about."

"Uh-oh. Whenever someone says that, you think of every bad thing you've ever done." She whispers as she kisses up my jawline. I chuckle myself.

"This isn't a bad thing, I swear." She grins and I pull it out of my pocket. She takes a sharp breath when she sees the little velvet box.


	9. Chapter 8

I'll admit I'm shaking in my boots when I get down on one knee. I haven't practiced a speech or anything, so I really have no idea how this is going to go. So I just say what comes to mind. "Anna. I love you more than I could ever have imagined possible. I wasn't joking when I said I don't want to lose you. I want to keep you with me forever. Until we grow old and gray. I don't want to live another day without you." I take in a deep breath as she still stares at me from above. "Anna Korlov, will you please marry me?"

She stares at the ring, pearls set into a thin silver band. I stare at her and wonder what she's thinking. I see tears start to pour down her face when she buries her head into her hands. I sit there on one knee, looking like an idiot. What do I do to make her more comfortable? I get up and take her into my arms, tears still streaming down her face. I put the ring back into my pocket and run a hand unconsciously down her back. My thumbs begin to move in circles, trying to comfort her.

"You don't need to cry about this. It's a good thing, Anna."

"I'm not crying about the ring or the proposal." She says through her sobs. "I'm crying because I have to say 'no'."

"What?" I'm having trouble catching my breath. Have I done something? Is this too soon? I haven't thought about what would happen if Anna said no. I've just been thinking of us growing old together. Married. Maybe a few kids in there, even though we're only kids ourselves.

"It's not that I don't want to. I do, so badly. I just…I can't say 'yes' until you remember these months. Until you remember us." She runs away from me into the house and I can hear the faint noise of her crying. I'm left sitting on the porch until the cold gets too much for me and I have to go inside.

* * *

I lay down on the couch, intent on sleeping there for as long as Anna needs. I can't imagine how this is for her. I know that I'm breaking her heart because of the memory loss, but what is she feeling deep down? Does she hate me for forgetting? Is it fury bubbling up within her? _Badass ghost hunters aren't supposed to cry, Cas. Suck those tears back NOW_. Even though I don't cry, I still have the urge. This morning I woke up telling myself that I'd be going to sleep next to my fiancé, and this is farthest from what I expected. I'm sleeping on the couch while she cries upstairs. My eyes are sagging closed when I hear Anna's footsteps. I've learned to know when she walks. She strolls around the house gingerly, as if she's made of air. But I can still hear her little stubby toes hitting the hardwood floors.

"Cassio? Are you coming upstairs?" Her voice continues to shake from earlier, and when my eyes peel open, I see her standing at the foot of the couch, decked out in plaid flannel pajamas. She doesn't look like the girl who could've snapped me like a twig. She looks like the sixteen-year-old who didn't get the chance to wear flannel PJs. This is when I need to remind myself that she isn't as old as I am. Guaranteed, she's been dead for decades, but physically, she's three years younger than me. She's much more a kid.

"I didn't think you'd want me up there." I say quietly, and her face morphs into a pained and depressed expression. I don't want her to burst into tears again, so I take her into my arms. Burying her head into my shoulder, I can feel the tears staining my shirt, though she tries to be quiet. It's tearing me up inside. I hate Anna crying more than I hate the Obeahman. I hate her crying more than I hate Mr. Borden, the bastard who threw me into the wall in the first place. The one who could be the whole reason I've forgotten everything. I hate knowing that I'm the one making the tears fall.

"Will you please come up and sleep with me?" She says. I nod and she drags me up the stairs as though she's never going to let go of my hand. Once we're under the covers and she's fallen asleep, her snoring is the only thing making noise in the house. My arm is wrapped around her waist and I know what I need to do to remember. The only thing that can help me regain my memory. I need to go back to the place where I last had my memory. I need to go back to Boston. I need to go back to kill Mr. Borden.

* * *

**I might put more up tomorrow, so be on the lookout! Again, thanks to everyone for the reviews and follows. It means a lot! :)**


	10. Chapter 9

That morning I drive over to Carmel's after making sure that Anna will be okay while I'm gone. I don't want to leave her alone, especially after yesterday, but the quicker I tell Thomas and Carmel my plan, the quicker I can leave for Boston. The quicker I can kill Andrew Borden. As I'm driving through the vast expanse of woods, I recall all of the information I can about the ghosts.

Andrew Borden's daughter, Lizzie, supposedly when psycho and chopped him and her stepmother up. _Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one._ Why would anyone made a damn nursery rhyme about a murder? Lizzie was acquitted, though a lot of people believed that she was guilty as sin. She, of course, wasn't the one to stay and haunt the place. That was the role of her parents. Her father's wife, Abby Borden, was chopped up along with her husband while Lizzie was the only one in the house besides their maid, Maggie.

I shiver when I think back to the night I lost my memory. The way Abby's scream echoed throughout my ears. Or the sickening thud my body made as it hit the wall. I wonder why he didn't kill me then. Why I wasn't a goner as soon as I was knocked unconscious. My hands are sweaty as I grip the wheel. I pull up to Carmel's house, having luck when I see Carmel's car in the driveway. No doubt Thomas is over here.

I'm greeted at the front door by Carmel's parents and her mother ushers me into the living room where Carmel and Thomas are watching television. They don't notice me until I plop down on the couch beside them. Even then, they don't pay much attention my way. They're holding hands and their eyes are glued on the TV. They're watching Ghost Hunters. Cheesiest and fakest shit I've ever seen.

"Can you make contact with us?" One of them asks. A plate drops in the distance, probably from a hidden coworker. They all act super shocked. It might as well translate to this:

_"Can you make contact with us?"_

_Plate shatters._

_"Oh, so your name is Elizabeth?"_

Again with the cheese. I see their eyes widen and look to me in shock when they hear what I have to say.

"I'm going back to Boston." I say simply, my eyes still focused on the television where stupid people are jumping and screaming. Thomas pauses the recording and Carmel is the first to speak.

"What do you mean, you're going back to Boston?"

"I need to remember what happened. I need to remember, otherwise things aren't going to be right between Anna and me."

"Have you told Anna this?" Carmel asks. Thomas is still silent as he looks to me. I shake my head.

"I tried to ask her something last night, but she couldn't look at me the same because I don't remember anything. I need to remember. And for that to happen, I feel that I need to go back to the place I lost my memory."

Thomas looked to me in sympathy. While Carmel continued to freak out about me putting myself in harm's way, I have no doubts that he was reading my mind. He saw just what I had asked Anna the night before. I could easily call Thomas my best friend, and he could see the pain reflected in my eyes.

"Do you think it would work, Thomas?" I ask him, completely ignoring the fuming girl I know as Carmel. She gives her apparently nervous boyfriend a look that could melt ice. I'm sure he's just as scared of her as I've been in the past. Carmel can be terrifying if she so wishes. He shifts uncomfortably in his seat under the scrutinizing eyes of Carmel.

"I guess, man. Maybe what was trapping the ghosts there could have trapped your memories, too. But it seems kind of dangerous to go back."

"Kind of dangerous?! What are you talking about? It's extremely dangerous! They almost killed you, Cas. They put you into a five month coma. It happened a year ago, and we all thought we were going to lose you when the cops pulled you out of that building. Thomas, your mom, me, Gideon, hell, even Jestine thought you were a dead man."

"Carmel, he needs to do this." Thomas says patiently, not wanting to spill my secret of _why_ I need to do this. _Why_ I need to kill Andrew Borden.

"Why? Why in the world does he need to do this? Huh? Answer that, Thomas."

"I asked Anna to marry me yesterday, Carmel." She stares in stunned silence. "She told me 'no'. All because I can't I remember what the hell happened these past months. I need to remember everything between us, because if I don't, the love of my life is going to slip through my fingers."

"Love of your life, huh? Would she want you to be doing this if she knew?" Carmel asks sarcastically while Thomas stares at me stupidly. I nod. It's the truth, she is.

"I went to Hell for her, Carmel. I don't think I would do that for just some skirt I'm chasing. And I know she wouldn't want me to do this. She wants me to remember, and if killing Borden is the only way that's going to happen, then so be it." I lean forward and put my head into my hands, vigorously rubbing my eyes.

* * *

I leave Carmel's house, all while she still tries to convince me to not go. It's not going to work. Driving home, I find that I've got a massive lump in my throat, and that I'm on the verge of crying. How could my life have gone down the toilet as it has since Boston? I don't want Anna to see me teary-eyed and broken, especially after she already saw me like that with my father. So I drive around for a few hours, park in a mall parking lot and just let the tears fall. Once I've gotten myself together, I drive home to Anna waiting on the porch, looking frantic as my car pulls up beside the house. Once I'm outside the car, she rushes over to me, throwing her arms around my neck, but unlike yesterday, she's no longer crying. She looks like she's furious. Why?

"Ask me again."

"What?"

"Ask me again." She says more firmly. Excitement rushes through me. Has she changed her mind? Will she say 'yes', whether I remember or not? It won't change what I'm about to do. I need to remember. I _need_ to.

"Anna Korlov, while you please do me the honor of being my wife?"

"Yes." She says teary-eyed. And kisses my lips. They're salty from her tears. Then she shakes her head. "So, please don't go there."

"What?"

"Carmel called me today. She told me what you're planning. Cassio, I don't want you going out there. Not because I said 'no'." I take a gulp. _Damn you, Carmel_. Stubborn and always gets what she wants. Including her friend not going on a suicide mission. And if she has to tell his dead-but-not-so-dead-anymore fiancé his plans, then so be it.

"Anna, I need to. I need to remember, and if my memories are locked there, then I have to go."

"I can tell you everything you need to know."

"But you can't give me the satisfaction of knowing it. Of the experience. I need to remember the day I got you back. I need to remember our first kiss when you were warm. I need to remember the first breath you took as a living girl. I need to remember everything. Rainy days I spent with you. The feeling of nervousness as I slept next to you for the first time. I've forgotten everything about us, Anna, and I'm determined to not let it go any further. I have to remember. And to do that, I have to finish what I started a year ago. I need to kill him, Anna."

* * *

**Two more chapters, guys! Thanks to those of you who stuck through the story the whole way! :)**


	11. Chapter 10

I leave a few days later, Anna continuing to beg me to not go. I kiss her goodbye, tell her I love her more than anything, and that I'll see her in no more than a week. I promise to call her once I've landed. I leave her standing on the front porch, tears streaming down her face, silver band with pearls sparkling on her finger. Showing the world that she's mine. That I can call her mine. I'm doing this for her. I'm doing this for the both of us. I need to keep reminding myself why this is so important. Why it's so necessary.

The check-in at the airport is beyond painful. The athame is tucked inside my jacket pocket, a thin layer of magic blocking it from the metal detectors. The plane ride is just as bad. Terrible, is the better term for it. I get into Boston maybe five hours later, two more hours getting my luggage and checked into a local motel. I make my promise and call Anna once I'm in the hotel room. She answers on the first ring.

Hearing her voice makes me smile. It's a relief to know that while I'm risking so much, she's safe and sound back in Thunder Bay. That's all I want; for her to be safe. As long as I have the security to know she's okay, then I can go forward with this. She tells me she's worrying, that she just wants me back home, and that I'd better make it back in one piece because we have a wedding to plan. I smile and happy tears run down my face.

After we hang up with much difficulty on both ends, I take a two hour nap. The Lizzie Borden House is usually a Bed & Breakfast, though I'm not sure why anyone would want to stay someplace where two people were murdered – and never left – but as of the next two weeks, it's undergoing remodeling. I have to break in at night, a time where no one will be around to stop me from doing what I came here for. I need all the sleep I can get if I'm to break in and kill him tonight.

* * *

Dreams that are sweet while I sleep turn to nightmares that plague me. It's painful. I see Anna back to when she was the murder victim, flash forward to when she killed people nonchalantly, as though it were an everyday activity, like brushing your teeth or walking up and down stairs. Then she drags him to Hell, crushing my heart in the process. I see her being tortured and when it becomes too much, my eyes shoot open and I can't wait any longer. Grabbing the athame, I drive to the house.

92 Second Street in Fall River, Mass. is a dark green house that doesn't seem so threatening. But then again, not many people know for a fact that Andrew and Abby have haunted the place for centuries. Well, only Andrew now. I took care of Abby almost a year ago. I break in with little to no difficulty. The door caves under the weight of me slamming into it. It falls back to a silent house. It won't be silent for long. Things will be thrown around – preferably not me – and by the end of the night, Andrew Borden _will_ be dead. I'm not leaving here until it happens.

It's a three story house, and paint cans and wood stains are all gathered on tarps in the parlor. Andrew Borden died in there, his body resting scarily on the couch. His wife was killed in a bedroom upstairs. I hear the stairs in the main entry creak and I dodge behind a wall.

"Hiding won't help you, boy. I know you've come back here. I've been waiting for you. You've come to finish what you've started. Well, so have I." Borden taunts me. His voice is obscured, though, thanks to the blows that his daughter put through his skull. I hear him move closer to where I'm hiding when I dodge out from behind a wall, tackling him, but he gains the upper hand very quickly. I scramble for the athame, which has gone flying across the room. I manage to grab the handle when Borden takes me by the ankles and picks me up off my feet. My athame slashes across his hand and he howls out in pain.

I fall to the floor, Borden holding his hand in pain that he can't possibly feel. Pain turns to anger, and the anger turns to absolute fury. He flings himself at me, but I'm expecting it. I dodge his lunge and spin out of his way. He runs into a wall and then pushes himself off to come after me again. This time, I'm too slow. Borden pins my hand that holds the athame above my head and even though I knee him in the groin, nothing happens. As my weapon is taken away from me, I can see the joy in Borden's eyes as he awaits to kill me. I breathe deeply and struggle against the dead man who now has me in a death grip against the wall. I need to get back to her. I can't leave her. Not like before. Not like when I let her go.

I'm kicking and screaming and crying, and I don't care how pathetic I may seem. I need to get back alive. I need to live. I have to live for her. I have so much I want to do with Anna. We have a wedding to plan. We need to have kids in the future. We need to die old and gray, together. I'm not supposed to die. Not like this. Not so young. And not with my fiancé back in Thunder Bay waiting for my return. I can't imagine what she'd think if I never came back home. I can't do that to her.

Borden thrusts me against the wall, my head hitting the rotting wood and giving me an ache in the back of my skull. But I'm not going to pass out. I'm not giving up. Giving up isn't an option. I continue to fight, even after Borden has slammed me against the wall several times. My vision starts to go black and I know this is it. I've failed. I'm not going back to Anna. When I kissed her on the porch, I didn't know that would be the last time I would touch her. When I talked to her on the phone, I didn't know that when I said 'Goodbye', it would be our last goodbye.

Tears and blood are running down my face, making marbled marks as Borden continues to try and kill me. I bit my tongue and I can taste the copper from the blood. Dirty pennies. Blood stains my teeth and slides down my lips as I utter my last words.

"I love you, Anna."

* * *

**I'm sorry to keep you on edge, but I swear, there's one more chapter, so no need to fret! I hope you guys enjoy the story, even if it may take a turn none of you want or were expecting. I apologize in advance, but I'm a terrible person who loves to make fictional characters suffer. But if it makes you feel any better, there ****_will_**** be a sequel. So this story won't be over when this story is complete. I really hope I won't get an angry mob once this is finished...**

**-Cait :)**


	12. Chapter 11

**So, I really hope none of you hate me too badly, but this is the final chapter! Again, this will have a sequel, so don't worry! I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

I hear beeping. The beeping of machines. Where am I? How did I get here? _Open your eyes, Cas. Open them._ My eyelids peel back and harsh, bright light invades my senses. I wince against the brightness, holding a hand above my eyes, hoping to block it out for just a bit longer. Squeaky sneakers make loud noises on the linoleum floor. I look around the room and I realize I'm in a hospital. Why?

Like a tsunami coming over me, all of the memories come rushing back. Proposing to Anna, leaving her at the house, the way my head felt smashed in when Borden kept slamming me into the wall. Is that why I'm here? Did someone find me before he could finish me off? If so, I owe them everything. The sneakers make their way to my room and I hear a woman humming faintly.

"Good morning." She says, without even glancing up from her clipboard. She's dressed in nurse's scrubs, a stethoscope hanging from her neck. Does she not see that I'm awake? My voice is rusty when it comes out of my mouth, as though I haven't used it in quite some time.

"Where is she?" Those are the only words I get out before the nurse practically panics.

"Oh, my gosh! You're awake!" She says excitedly, then begins to check wires and tubes and all sort of monitors they have me hooked up on. She presses a button near my bedside and Mom, Carmel and Thomas come rushing in. Gideon is right behind them.

"Cas!" Mom has tears running down her face, and her features are contorted into relief and pain. I don't ask why she's so excited to see me; I already know. I nearly got myself killed by Borden. As I look around the room, I notice Anna isn't here.

"Where is she?" I ask, moving from Mom to Carmel to Thomas. Gideon sits in the corner silently observing me. Carmel looks confused.

"Who, Cas?"

"Anna. Where is Anna?" Carmel and Thomas exchange a look and I can tell it's not good. "Where is she?" I ask more roughly, my voice still coming out squeaky. Why is my voice like this? My throat feels as though it's been collecting spider webs, left to decay.

"Cas, I think it'd be best for you to sleep right now." Mom says, and the way she looks at throws me off balance. I can see the worry lines and bags under her eyes. The curses of my father's death have returned. I get a horrible feeling within the pit of my stomach.

"Mom, where is Anna?" I ask, finally finding my voice. I clutch her wrist so she can't run away without telling me something first. "Tell me."

"Cas, you went through a lot, honey. When that man threw you into that wall, we thought we were going to lose you. You need to rest, alright?"

"Not until you tell me where my fiancé is." I say, weak because of my unused vocal cords, but also because I'm on the verge of breaking down.

"What do you mean, fiancé?" Carmel asks, her hands gripping the footboard of the hospital bed for support.

"What do _you_ mean? Anna. I proposed to her. You know that. I told you both when I went over to your house just a few days ago!" I'm getting angry, I'm in pain, and my heart is being crushed because my family and friends aren't telling me a damn thing.

"Cas, you haven't been outside in months." Carmel says a little more gently. My clenched fists go slack, my eyes widen and my pulse picks up.

"What do you mean?"

"Cas, Andrew Borden threw you into a wall."

"Yeah, and then I was in a coma. I woke up and I brought Anna back. We've been living in her house, I asked her to marry me for God's sake!" I scream, though it's weak. I sound pathetic.

"No, Cas. This is the first time you've woken up since Borden threw you into the wall. Anna's been gone for months." When Carmel utters those fatal words, my heart sinks, because I know that everything I wanted, everything I experienced was nothing but a dream.

* * *

**I'm sorry! I warned you, I'm a terrible person. But there will be a sequel, so be on the lookout for that. Thanks to all of you guys who left reviews and follows and favorites! Thanks to all of you who stuck with the story until the end :)**


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